Mit Meir 

Mit meir. Mit meir. That’s all I hear. I thought this was over. I thought I would stop feeling everything.

I’m  no longer Mrs. Vamp. You left me. I’m left with an unknown future. There’s no reason just the unknown.

I’m left trying figure out who I am now. Memories and words constantly run through my mind.

Demons come scratching.  I’m lost and alone in the dark. I try feeling my way through this long and cold tunnel of darkness. The glimmer of light at the end of this nightmare is almost gone. The weight within my chest crushes me beyond repair.

This isn’t fair. Just when I think it’s over it all begins again.

You win. I give up and can no longer fight. You took the best part of me with you. I allowed you to destroy me and all that I am. Maybe in the next life I’ll get it right.

I Love You

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I was once able to say I love you and actually mean it.  These days I struggle to say or write I love you to anyone ever again.  I am not completely broken, but I am broken.

You were my life and air that I breathe.  I will never stop loving you.  There is so much more I want to say, but right now I do not want to feel.  I do not want to remember.  I do not want to relive the memories that I will one day carry to my grave.

 

My Heart

I’ve been struggling to write much of anything.  There are many feelings that I have and all of them are confusing.  Those feelings just are not ready to come out into words and written.  I always write with my heart.

There is only one feeling that I have and understand that can be put into words-UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.  I feel it for you no matter how angry and frustrated I get at times.  You know me extremely well which scares the hell out of me at times.  I don’t let just anyone in the way I’ve let you in.Underneath the tears that flow at times and the anger at the end of the day I still love you.  This will never change.  I guess in some ways I have just grown up and that maybe our love has changed because now things are different.

I shall stop rambling because that is where this is going.  Just know that deep in my heart I love you no matter what always and for all eternity.  You are my heart and the one that balances me.

Unloved

I won’t allow myself to be hurt anymore. I’m tired of always being hurt. This last time was probably the worst that I’ve ever been treated this badly. I was left abandoned when I was headed down the wrong path. 

I’ve always been there for you when you were sick or really  depressed. When the tables were turned you fucking hung up on me and disappeared. What’s that to say of the man you’ve become? 

I have been trying to recover from this, but I’ve been unsuccessful. Maybe there is no revival for me.  I’ve been completely shattered and can’t put the broken pieces back together. I’ve withdrawn and become much colder. 

What Happened To Me?

I have been doing a lot of thinking.  I am one that is always in her head.  There are so many thoughts and feelings within me that I am struggling to get out of me.  It has always been so easy for me to write what is in my heart, but right now everything is jumbled up inside of me clouded by confusion, hurt, anger, frustration, disappointment, and doubt.

It seems like the day the switch was turned off within me is the day something inside of me died. I struggle to write with passion.  This feels like torture, and I don’t know what to do to ignite the fire within me anymore.  Did I destroy myself?

Three Years

In my head is the place I dread

In my head makes me wish I were dead

The ticking clock stinks

And it makes my heart sink

No more sadness & no more tears

It’s only been three years

Three years with love, chaos and tears

Three years with a path that always seems to veer

Throughout these years it’s been up and down

Not sure if what we want can ever be found

Thank You Boo Boo

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Keep this handy and read it whenever you need to be reminded how much you are loved and appreciated.  It’s easy to forget how much we are loved. Allow it to restore you when you feel down.

  • Thank you for being in my life and for choosing me
  • Thank you for your love.
  • Thank you for your singing
  • Thank you for saying yes.
  • Thank you for your soft, strong shoulder to cry on .
  • Thank you for your presence.
  • Thank you for your laughter and your tears
  • Thank you for your thoughtfulness.
  • Thank you for your infectious laughter.
  • Than you for your wild,sexy, free spirit.
  • Thank you for knowing how to fix my broken pieces.
  • Thank you for being open and non judgemental. It makes me feel safe and free to be me.
  • Thank you for listening with your whole heart.
  • Thank you for passion and dedication.
  • Thank you for being vulnerable when I know it isn’t easy.
  • Thank you for being compassionate and understanding.
  • Thank you for being YOU.

I could go on and on.  Basically, I am in love with you.  I think that sometimes I don’t show it as much as I should and could.  I think you are a treasure, and I want to acknowledge what a great person you are and all the wonderful things you do to make my life and this universe a brighter place.

Always and forever to the moon and back times infinity ❤

Do You Know?

For some reason a part of me is afraid to write this and I do not know why.  I’ve always been able to tell you everything-even moreso now because you get me to open up when I’m upset.  Normally I just lock myself away from everyone and get even more pissed off which I know is not good.

Every day I realize how much I love you more and more.  Yes I may get upset and hurt at times, but that all fades because I do love you no matter what all of the time.  You make it very hard to stay mad at you and I can only imagine your puppy dog  eyes pouting at me-I just wish I could see it. Yes I would want to be there with you right now taking care of you not just today but for the rest of my life.

Have I told you lately how much I love you?

I wake up each morning knowing that I love you.  I go to sleep at night knowing that you love you.  It is the best feeling in the world that I would never want to change.